Before you can start to balance your reaction patterns you need to become familiar with them.

Your own individual "F" reactions are the first and most easily noticeable signs that tell you that you have been hot wired to your own negative core belief. Learn to recognise them and think of them like a red warning light that flashes in front of you to warn you about what is happening. The more experience you get doing this the more quickly you can stop them taking over.

A repeated pattern usually means that the same inner self is being kept busy protecting you from the same core pain that is connected to your same old negative core belief.

This was the belief which helped in the past to set up your automatic everyday ways of dealing with life’s problems. So you can learn a great deal about your core beliefs just by observing these repetitive patterns, even before you know exactly what the beliefs are.

Knowing and naming your own individual reaction patterns (Personal Activity sheets 4 and 5) helps you discover the unique core beliefs behind each of these patterns.

The examples below will help you to identify your reactions and responses which in turn help you identify your negative core beliefs.

Traditionally the two best known F reactions are "fight" or "flight" but there are many more.

1. Fight or force

2. Foot to the floor and furious

3. Firing from the hip

4. Fool ‘em and frustrate ‘em

5. Fair exchange

6. Floods of tears

7. Flaws galore

8. Filibuster

Using negative superior parent energy (anger, criticism, judgment, argument etc.) to control situation, and at the same time, reduce or hide pain and vulnerability.

This reaction pattern points to core beliefs that tell you that you need to hide any sign of your vulnerability.

To do this you must act as if, in relation to another person, you are more powerful than, stronger than, greater than, better than, more justified than, or more right.. But because of your core belief deep down inside you this will feel more as if it is only a bluff.

Too may words, spoken too fast. Shoot first, aim afterwards. Usually end up shooting myself in the foot and wounding other people at the same time, specially in a relationship

Using manipulation, trickery or rebellion to resist and block solutions or preventing others from taking control. Typically this pattern blocks or frustrates controllers by refusing to recognise and accept their ability to control or deliberately disobeying and breaking rules. 

Sub-group - Rebel, mutineer - refusing to obey the referee or the rules. Out of control, on strike, using questionable strategies or arguments to block and frustrate control by others.

More extreme examples include deliberately breaking rules but with little or no concern for safety or responsibility for outcome. This can extend as far as physical sabotage.

Using previously learned positive coping skills such as wheeling, dealing, bargaining, and negotiating to increase control over problem. A negotiated deal may prove positive for both people if it helps set up a ‘win-win’ situation. But as an F reaction it is more likely to involve skilled manipulation of learned communication skills, such as compromise or bargaining. Learned responses like these somehow lack authenticity. They seem artificial. So quite often the other person responds with a comment like "Don't try that F&#@*** win-win stuff here. I know you learned it at your last leadership/ management/ communication course, but it won't work with me!!!"

Bargaining and negotiating are positive and useful skills but only when used openly rather than manipulatively (which is what happens when people have been hot wired to his or her negative core belief.). Even if the other person goes away feeling "win-win" happy we don't feel satisfied because our negative core belief hasn't grown any more positive inside us.

Using tears to help control or manipulate the situation

The speaker presents a list of personal faults, flaws or failings in another person. There is a lot of energy or intensity in the way the list is presented. In Twelve step groups this is described as "doing an inventory" on the other person, an unfortunate characteristic displayed by many addicts. Usually the critic is facing the person whose flaws they are listing, sometimes it is done by letter, over the phone or by e-mail.

The one-way talk goes something like this, non-stop:

In full flight a flaw inventory may continue unbroken for several minutes non stop. Two points worth remembering if you find yourself on the receiving end of a flaw inventory:

I am grateful to my colleague, USA psychologist Dr. Adrienne who gave me this one. In America when a politician makes an excessively long speech over several hours as a deliberate tactic, to delay action or avoid taking a vote on a bill it’s called a filibuster.

As an F reaction talking non-stop usually helps the triggered person avoid feeling an emotion but sometimes it also stops another person talking with them about the need to face reality or discussing a practical solution.

9. Flee to get free

10. Fold and stay

11. Fling it away

12. Forget it

13. Fearful Frightened Faint or frozen

This reaction pattern points to core beliefs that tell you that while you are weaker than, others and powerless you still have one power left, the power to escape. You are doing something active as a way of reducing vulnerability rather than surrendering or complying.

This reaction pattern points to core beliefs that tell you that you are powerless, helpless or unable to cope, can’t fix things, can’t get it right, you feel weaker than, lower than, less than, not as good as, in relation to the other person.

A fold reaction stops you seeing things in the people around you that you should be watching very carefully.

Intentionally destroying any chance of solving the problem later on. Self sabotage. Example:

Dynamiting the bridge - Pulling the pin

Subgroup. Failing first Failure in advance ; Fail ahead of time; You can’t make me fail. I failed myself first. Falling or failing first (before I get pushed).

Denial of the original problem or rejection of another person’s attempts to fix the problem. Responses or reactions to triggering only help to avoid facing negative reality. Forget it type reactions also include ‘being busy’ and of course using chemicals or substances. (alcohol, nicotine, drugs) or activities (eating, anorexia, sex, gambling, fantasy) to avoid reality or reduce triggered pain, avoid awareness, or maintain denial.

Another way of forgetting a problem is by totally ignoring it, ‘stiff upper lip’ or ‘thinking only positive thoughts’, avoiding discussion, procrastinating on necessary action to solve a problem or avoiding facing up to uncomfortable issues.

Feeling absolutely terrified, fearful, frozen by panic, helpless or hopeless, can’t speak, can’t move - Shutting down completely through fear, frozen by panic, totally blocked or locked up. Giving up believing that it is impossible to do anything. Examples: I can’t win! Helpless, hopeless, powerless, no motivation, no drive to fix anything. Can’t decide, total loss of confidence. ‘It’ll never work out ..’.

14. Fatigued too tired to do anything about it

15.Fuzzy logic

16. Fine all fixed

17. Fictitious, fake or phony

18 Frightfully frustrated

A feeling of excessive tiredness. Low or zero motivation helps avoid the core pain that lurks inside every negative core belief.

You won’t be able to notice this reaction while it is going on. Later you might ask yourself "Why did I think that way? It doesn’t even make sense." or someone else might point out to you what you had been saying just did not add up. Later on you will see quite clearly something that was just not ‘visible’ while you were stuck in this F reaction. Don’t worry too much. We all do this at times. At the time it was a way of protecting you from feeling vulnerable or facing your negative core belief.

It is all fixed - super confident - hiding real vulnerability - Patterns that mask or hide vulnerability by expressing an artificial attitude of superior skills, knowledge or understanding, or all three. For example an over confident "I can do it by myself", or "No problem, it’s all fixed." or the classic "I am just FINE!"; I just don’t know meaning of word ‘can’t’.

Over- generalising, fabricating or manipulating details to gain undeserved sympathy. Over-playing dramatic role as poor poor pitiful victim

This is a particularly complex F reaction in the way that it can impact other people.

It points to an inner child holding a core belief about being powerless or unable to have a sense of what is "real" unless there is some kind of "audience" who can support the "poor victim’s" distorted view of reality.

Audience or onlooker support

Audience or "onlooker support" is built up by over-stating the troubles experienced by the dramatic ‘victim’ - for example, exaggerating one’s role as ‘poor poor me’ meanwhile working hard to create the image of the other person as the source of the victim’s woes.

Distorted or fabled perceptions of alleged ‘mistreatment’ help justify the fake victim’s reactions such as ‘righteous indignation’. The trouble is that, although false, the dramatic way the story is presented often draws undeserved sympathy and support from other people.

This is the energy state described in voice dialogue as the ‘victim-controller’ self, because once other people start believing the victim’s dramatic tales it gets easier to control, manipulate or even blackmail the alleged perpetrator into doing what the "victim" wants.

This is one F reaction where in the short term the ‘victim’ often appears to win. By focusing guilt, blame or shame on to others they draw attention away from themselves and their own negative core belief about "not being good enough". In the long run however the outcomes for fake victims are not positive because their negative core belief remains as strong as ever.

Sub groups: Manipulation based on false data. Faking it, Fiddling the failure; Fixed failure, Taking a False fall.

After a few successes over-playing the fake victim role this F reaction can become a habit and develop into a more extreme form. The accusations about alleged perpertrators become more and more exaggerated and more and more fabled.

Fiend making is identified by the intense dramatic victim pattern and the way this is publicised. The fake "victim" builds up a public image of another person as a thoroughly bad, cruel or awful perpetrator, a fiend. Typical words used include ‘disgraceful’ or ‘disgusted’.

This is accompanied by a lengthy list of accusations often with very little or no supporting evidence. (See Flaws Galore) The list is made public by presenting it to a group, a committee or even to the media to gain more "audience support."

NOTE: If there is genuine evidence then the above does not apply - what is referred to here is a highly energised but noticeably artificial "F" reaction pattern that, like most of the other patterns and core belief work generally, is marked by a distinct break from reality.

Feedback - please e-mail me John Bligh Nutting - at nutting@growingaware.com

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